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The Torah’s method to find our sense of self-worth and self-confidence is real genius.

Many people struggle with feeling good about themselves, and that is because the techniques that are widely known are counter-productive.

Feelings of low self-worth are very painful, not to mention a major cause of suicide.

People think that if they were great successes like Steve Jobs, Oprah, Elon Musk or Warren Buffett then I would feel good about myself

If you can read this, then you are in the top 10% of all time human achievement:

C A T

In the history of the world, very few people knew how to read. So how good does that make you feel?

Achieving literacy is going to be one of the single biggest achievements of your life, very few things are going to be as significant and valuable as being able to read.

Whatever you would like to do or have may be great things, but they won’t change a thing about how you feel about yourself.

Tom Hanks is one of the most successful actors ever, he has won two Academy Awards and has appeared in more than 70 films and TV shows,

If anyone is going to have self-confidence, it’s him.

Nevertheless, he said:

“When are they going to discover that I am, in fact, a fraud and take everything away from me?'”

You cannot talk your way into self-confidence.

The reason many successful people feel a lack of self-confidence, despite great success, is because self-confidence is not the same as self-worth.

And trying to get self-worth through success is not much different than trying to quench a thirst by watching a video on water.

This is Michelle Obama:

“I have been at probably every powerful table that you can think of, I have been at G-summits, I have sat in at the UN…”

And yet, she is haunted by this question, “am I good enough?”

The truth is, we don’t need the rich and famous, we all have plenty of great and significant accomplishments and yet they do not equate to self-confidence.

It takes at least 3 years to figure out how to go to the bathroom, although girls seem to get it quicker than boys, which only surprises the boys.

And if you haven’t figured out how, then please DO NOT let me know in the comments below.

Let’s not forget walking, that took you a good year, and now you do it perfectly.

This next life skill which you conquered is so significant that the number of people who achieved in all of human history is less than one percent.

That is reading and writing.

The difference in the quality of life being literate makes is staggering, and most people never learned how yet it does not imbibe you with tremendous self-confidence.

Listen to what Maya Angelou said:

“I have written 11 books, but each time I think, ‘Uh oh, they’re going to find out now. I’ve run a game on everybody, and they’re going to find me out.'”

Listen to this story, the gap between my oldest child and my youngest is over 15 years. When oldest played a sport, if they won they got a trophy, and if they didn’t, they didn’t.

My youngest inherited his older siblings room and he saw all these trophies, and longed for one too. But by the time he got to play competitive sports they gave them out just for playing.

I personally believe this is the reason for his lack of enthusiasm in sports.

But this I can say with certainty, the reason they did it is because they wanted to instill self-confidence.

It’s too bad this video wasn’t made when he was born.

Because accomplishment in any and all these significant life skills, without which our lives would be a major mess, do not give us a feeling of self-worth.

Sheryl Sandberg is a billionaire and was the chief operating officer of Facebook, nevertheless, she tells that once she attended a Harvard University speech called “Feeling Like a Fraud” and decided they were speaking directly to her.

It’s simple to understand why is this true?

Just because I know how to play chess does not give me any advantage in playing the piano. Just because I can read and write, does not mean I know how to

RABBI STEPHEN BAARS is known for imparting important ideas with creativity and humor. He’s spoken all over the world, in venues as varied as the US Senate to the famous LA Improv. He’s a regular speaker at the Fortune Magazine Summits and the author of many books, including BLISS: The Marriage and Parenting Book and THE WORST MARRIAGE ADVICE IN THE WORLD.

He’s also the creator of the highly popular motivational seminar: Think Like a Winner and the accompanying book Win: Change Your Thinking, Change Your Destiny.