We don’t really know how to describe this video, but its one of the funniest things I have ever seen. You’ll have to be down with Yiddish and Yeshivish lingo to get it, but if you can, it’s brilliant.
The video is to promote a charity event happening November 3. Donate or sign up now at http://xtremerunner5k.com
Hello, it’s Chaim Zeilig, your old nunteh chaver,
I’m here to tell you now, az ich bin ah velt’s pravver,
You guys mistama think I spend my whole day in the gym,
Inventing new lay-ups, like the Chiddushei HaRim,
I’m being modeh al ha’emes, that it’s sheker v’chazav,
But I’ll give you an excuse. I’ll say what it’s because of,
My chavrusah was me’oirer a moiradiga zach,
And nuch he was mechadesh it, he found it in a Bach,
It’s a klureh din, you don’t need a Google search,
That it’s assur for a Yid to walk into a church,
And “gym” is a word that also is a nummen,
But not a Yiddish one, like Zalman or Binyomin,
It’s a name from a sheigitz! Azah davar chamur!
So to walk into a gym, zugt er, is assur gamur,
But l’maaseh the Minyan has this annual event,
Where you run like a meshuganeh till you’re in gantzen spent,
And the place they make you run, it’s longer than the galus,
And just to make it harder there’s farshidineh takalos,
You’d rather drink some soda? Zulst du vissen this is funner,
It’s the matziv of the year, and it’s called Extreme Runner,
Efsher I’ll even win! That sounds like a whopper?
We’ll see who’s laughing later, when my picture’s in The Shopper,
So to keep my guf shalem, and my neshama freilach,
I started doing exercise in my holoich yeileich,
Pashut going through your day, k’lachar yad, I have these eitzos,
How you can also build, derech agav, breitah pleitzos.
Here’s a good eitzah, post it on your Whatsup group,
Instead of driving to yeshiva, take a Cozy Coupe,
And here’s another one, it’s easy and it’s quick,
I do k’sheim she’ani roiked with a pogo stick,
I don’t need technology, like internet and e-pads,
The only thing I need is my helmet and my knee pads,
Ba’alebatim bike in shorts or in grey pants,
But I am much more careful, I always wear my play pants,
Here’s a way to help you derech agav exert,
Keep every color pen in the pocket of your shirt,
How much muscle do you build when you run to seder?
I could do the cheshbon on my watch calculator,
When I’m waiting in the shuk with kama v’kama Yossels,
Here’s how I pass the time – I exercise my face muscles.
If you listen to my eitzos,
And you listen to my chaps,
You could become a ganiv,
Cuz you’ll run faster than the cops.
Be like the miraglim, and carry heavy fruit,
Keep a lot of tissues in the pocket of your suit,
The muscles in your thumb can get much better,
If you have to press the keys three times for every letter,
When you do oseh shalom don’t just stand there like a meis,
Keep up the momentum and start jogging in place,
When you’re leaving your aliya, take the longer path,
Put on goggles and go swimming when you take a bath,
Next time you’re at a chuppah, b’simcha u’visason,
Jump up from your seat and go run around the chosson,
I can`t bike on shabbos `cuz it’s uvda d’chol,
I’m very very good at being nosei b’ol,
If your chavrusah says a sevarah and you’re not maskim,
Roll up your sleeve, make a muscle, and frask him,
I learn like I’m Yissachar chamor garem roivetz,
I carry all my sefarim – and I never use a koivitz,
Did you know that little weights could help you with your training?
Wear a bag on your hat even if it isn’t raining.
I’m gonna win the gold medal,
Cuz I know how to move my joints,
I hope they let me trade it in,
For some credit card points
My muscles are so big, that people think they’re fake,
I could eat a jaw breaker and my jaws won’t even break,
I’m stronger than Ashmedai, and also King Kong,
I’ll flip the whole table if you win me in ping pong,
I’m so strong, I could carry any tune,
I play paddleball every Friday afternoon,
When I’m sitting in shiur I do pilates,
I taught myself six different types of karates,
I could chop a stone in half and not even squirm,
I’m like a heintegeh shamir worm,
When I went to the kosel, I had an idea,
I just made a muscle, that’s how I reissed kriah,
You could ask any guy in the yeshiva that I taught in,
One time I jumped higher than Michael Jordan,
Eat a healthy lunch, like it says in the Mechilta,
Even on a weekday have some leftover gefilta,
Every day for breakfast, I eat a box of Kellog,
Here’s a little secret: I am #RebZelig.
Sign up now for this program,
Help support the Minyan,
I don’t want your excuses,
Just go do it, ad kan!