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Hello, my name is Chaim Zeilig,
Farshteitzich, you see that I’m very heilig,
I’m a big baal kishrin and a reezigeh masmid,
Some chevra taiynah that I’m even a Shas yid,
But besides for my neshama, nefesh and ruach,
I always make time on my daily luach,
Not chas veshalom to battul or shluff,
Cuz you really have to take care of your guf,
I’m saying don’t overdo it, like the bnei cham,
But nuch alleh maisos, you’re a basar vedam,
So unbutton your jackets, and loosen your ties,
And come let me show you HOW TO EXERCISE

My sneakers are New Balance and my socks are Puma,
I start with two cans of Para Adumah
I stretch and I jog and once I even did a curl,
I jump rope even though I’m not a girl
I’m working on a six pack, I’m on der veg,
Cuz devailah what I have is more like a keg
I have boxing matches with Mara D’asras,
I go to the gym and I lift Bava Basras
I beat up a guy who was twice my age,
I ripped up a phonebook page by page
I do pull ups and push ups, that’s not a shailah,
Watch as I do a yeshiva shel maalah
So what are you waiting, let’s go to the gym shoiyn,
My name is Chaim Zeilig but my friends call me Shimshon

I’m a massive lamdan and also a gibor,
Bekitzur I’m an oiker harim,
But chas veshalom don’t be choshed biksheirim,
I only work out bein hasedarim

I have my own mehalech in the Rambam’s diet,
Etlicheh gedolim asked me to try it
I eat milk and eggs until I’m sick,
Because protein shakes are not covered by WIC
I have karate lessons that I won from Oorah,
Before I was a ben shmonim I was zoche to gevurah
I’m way much faster than a tzvi,
I’m a much bigger gibor than a ari,
To teach people how to exercise I made a va’ad,
There’s so much room on my muscle for my tefillin shel yad
I’m the strongest guy in my kehillah,
They always give me hagbah, instead of gelilah
I know I’m the strongest, I’m not being biased,
By Moshe Emes I throw my kids the highest
Last week in yeshiva I gave a chaburah,
To anyone who didn’t come to my chaburah

I’m mazik everyone who’s coming near me,
I’m like a Reshus Harabim-y bor,
Not even once was I koivesh my yeitzer,
But fohrt I’m still a massive gibor

I’m not even scared of a goyishe barber,
I’m as strong as Reish Lakish when he was a robber
Some chevra call me the Gadol Hador,
I smash avodah zarahs from Ba’al Pe’or
I rip up begadim of tzemer u’pishtim,
I broke down a building and killed all the Plishtim
I’m stronger than Og in all the midrashim,
All by myself, I picked up the kerashim
My favorite mitzvah is killing Amaleik,
I picked up Agag, and I threw him in the lake
I still feel strong even after a taanis,
I knock off all the leaves when I klop hoshanos
I’m very very muscular I’m not very lean, I –
have muscles way bigger than Har Sinai
I got a heter to be like the Greeks,
When I klop al cheit it hurts for two weeks
I yell the loudest by every macha’ah,
I was koneh my house with a kinyan hagba’ah

I’m gonna win this race al kol panim,
If you don’t believe in me you’re a koifer,
I have a haskama from twenty rabbanim,
I’m ready to be an Extreme Loifer